If something you're choosing is suddenly stealing your joy, it's a good sign you need to set better boundaries.
I’ve been talking with some friends lately about this topic.
One friend in particular was finding herself saying yes, when in the moment she *knew* she wanted to say no.
She couldn’t figure out why she wasn’t willing to say no immediately.
There are a few reasons that came up, but the most prominent was the need for better boundaries.
I am noticing also how people-pleasing tendencies and the lack of boundaries often go hand in hand.
A few notes I can offer on this:
- I’ve noted this before but I’ll say it again, “people pleasing is dishonest.” This behavior is not one that’s rooted in love, it’s rooted in fear. People pleasing means saying yes when you mean no, out of fear of rejection or that the person won’t love/like you if you say no. This doesn’t mean we don’t help others or say yes when we mean it. It means we need to act with integrity first to ourselves.
- Not setting better boundaries leads to resentment and ultimately to either burnout (with activities/jobs/etc.) or sometimes the end of a relationship (with people).
- We have to decide we are okay with “people not liking us” if it means we love ourselves, and if it means we give them space to (hopefully) figure out why we distanced and come back at a time when they’re better able to respect our boundaries.
I don’t have all the answers on this stuff, but I love to discuss it and to find our own responsibility to ourselves when we find we are getting upset, angry, or resentful.
This isn’t to say others don’t have responsibility in how they treat us, but we can’t control that at all times.
What we can control is our side of things. And I promise, it gets easier each time you see it work in your life.